Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Can Anyone Get Any Work Done Over the Holidays?

If so, I'm not one of 'em. Eat, drink, and be merry. Seems to take up all my time. But, its all good. One holiday down, one more to go. Then, the writing commences. Really. Next year. Well, next decade. I hear the New Year comes in with a blue moon. Well, that's fitting because it seems lately that once in a blue moon is when I'm getting any writing done. Guess now that it is a blue moon, I have no more excuses. Right. Write. I'm on it. In just a few more days....

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Fish Tales will resume in 10.....9...8.......3....2.....1

Just like Dick Clark's New Year's Eve countdown and Togiak Herring. Only with Togiak Herring there is engine roar and boat crash instead of cheers and kisses. Somehow I think the resuming of this blog is a bit less exciting than either. Never the less, I'm back!!

So, for those of you who are curious, I injured my eyes months ago. UV Karatitus (snow blindness) from staring at the water w/o shades (I had forgotten them). So, kiddies, wear your polarized glasses because this has been somewhat of a miserable experience.

I was improving, then returned to work and slid down hill rapidly. Like, Superman rapid. That resulted in getting shipped to Seattle for tests. Worker's comp covered they expenses (except for the adult libations) but I had to fly solo. Day 1 started with eye exam (poke, poke, prod, dilate, repeat). Ever have your eyes dilated? Then you know you can't focus on anything closer than about a fathom away. So, half blind after the eye exam, they send me down stairs to get blood work done.

me: "How do I get there?"
nurse: "I'll give you a map."
me: (thinking) "Is she stupid? She must know I can't read a map right now. Oh, she probably thinks I'm like most normal people and I have someone with me."

So, I go down stair with my paper work in hand, not knowing where I am going. I try to read the signs of the offices. I have my face about .oo1 inches away from each sign, but I still can't read it. I show my paperwork to someone, anyone, and ask them if I'm in the right office. Great. I finally found it.

me: "I just had my eyes dilated, so I can't really see anything."
nurse: "OK. Just fill out this paperwork."
me: (thinking) "Is she stupid? What did I just say?"
me:"Um, no. I just had my eyes dilated, so I can't really see anything." I say more slowly this time, hoping it resisters.
nurse: "Well, OK. Date of birth......" she asks snidely as if I'm just too lazy to fill out my own paperwork.

She takes pity on me and just fills out my information for me. Then puts something in front of me for me to sign. I assumed it was my paperwork, but it could have been a piece of paper giving away my first born for all I know. Or worse yet, I could have agreed to be the President of the Sarah Palin fan club.

nurse: "OK. I'll be taking a lot of blood today. Did you prepare for this by eating and drinking a lot?"
me: "No. I didn't know I was having blood drawn today."
nurse: "Well, let's hope you've eaten enough."
me: "Yes, let's hope."
nurse: "Is this rubber strap around your arm bothering you?"
me: "No, its the needle sticking out of my arm that's bothering me."

I finally open my eyes after what seems like an eternity to see what is taking so long. Holy Shit! There are 8 vials of blood on the counter. No wonder this is taking forever.

me: "Did you leave me any?"
nurse: "You better go eat something at the cafeteria before you pass out."
me: "OK. Where is it?"
nurse: "Let me give you a map."

With no help of the map, obviously, I find my way to the cafeteria. Now I have a splitting headache, my eyes hurt, I can't see and I'm weak because I don't have any blood left in me. The guy behind the counters asks what I would like. Again, I explain about my eyes. He says "Oh, I've had that done before, it sucks. Let me read out menu to you." Now, why is it that the food guy is the only one who gets it and gives me some compassion and is helpful?

The food helps revive my wilted self, but my day isn't over. I still have to get an MRI. I have a map that tells me where I need to go. Its a short walk in the rain and I find it with only a small amount of wandering around. I take off all my metal as I'm told and hop in. 20 minutes of Buzz, buzz, thump, thump later and I'm done.

And, literally, I'm done. I'm weak, hurt, wilted, and near confused. All I want to do is go take a nap. I make it back to my hotel room. My key doesn't work. Great. I lug myself to the front desk and get a new key. I get back to my room and look at myself in the mirror. I look like a freak! My pupils are the size of saucers! And its been hours. How could these nurses not get that I can't see anything? They can't think I look normal........

After a nap, my sister calls. I recount my day and tell her how tired I am. She says I probably need to eat something. Right, food. That makes sense. The thing about being alone when you are depleted is that you don't know you are depleted so you don't know to revive yourself. Anyway, I made it through. The only glitch was that I had my wallet in my pocket during my MRI. I didn't think about it and the nurse didn't ask me about it. So, none of my credit cards work now, just like my room key.

But, all my tests came back fine. No brain tumors, no Lupus, Rheumatic arthritis, etc. After all that, Western medicine came up with dry eyes. Hmm....All this pain and all those tests, and that's all you got? Well, I headed East. Metaphorically, not literally. I'm trying acupuncture now. And let me tell you that's some trippy shit! However, its seems to be working and my eyes, finally, after 6 months of constant pain, are getting better.

So, I'm getting the engined warmed up and getting back to the writing drawing board! More soon!